Venturing to the Unknown - A year after leaving the Indie Games Industry
It has been over a year since I got laid off from my previous studio in Indie Games. I was out of job for exactly 6-7 months, and I just could not simply find any creative job that aligned with my value. It does not help as the majority of studios, indie games included were adopting Generative AI in the workflow and I felt like my contribution would be just a "cleanup artist", which defeated the purpose of being a Concept Artist in games back then.
So I decided to just go apply to a normal admin office job because I really needed the money. My parents are getting older and in the unpredictable times like this, I cannot rely solely on my parent's savings and supports. Living costs are rising and I just had to take the leap to go to the other industry, but still supporting my art practice.
It's been slightly over a year, so I'd like to reflect on my decision, my feeling but taking the chaotic state of the world we are in. And my answer is?
I am glad that I made this decision.
Despite my office job being demanding and taking a lot of time, but I just too it like a daily chore I do to clean the house or simply cooking the meal; I treated my art practice as a nice "accent color" to complement my day-to-day life and no longer dictated my whole career and self-worth. At least that's what I try to intend!
However it is not without challenges for sure. To transition from a studio working artist for 3 years onto a hobbyist takes so much work especially from someone who spent so much effort and energy to be hireable by studio, only to go back and doing it for my own pleasure. I get this mindset a lot that if you draw for your own pleasure, then it should not count as "more serious". Thus I tend to put myself so much pressure but it does result in more decent work.
I'll be honest, for now I cannot do two jobs at the same time - my 8-5 office job and my side art business. My 8-5 office job is sustaining my whole art practice with the freedom of exploring different mediums and opportunity without the pressure of having to money; If I decided to make art as if it was my main job I'll burn out faster than usual, and I'm afraid by office job will suffer due to my burnout as well.
So when I decided to make art a hobby again, there is sharp inner critics, and my own art community who dictated their entire life making art to sustain their living expenses. My inner critics said I'll disappoint more of my mentors and industry people, and I can feel those people who just got to know me because of my fast early art career decided to just distance themselves. At this point I started asking myself:
"Why should we prove ourselves, our worth of art by the measure of being hired by big studio or well-known industry people when we can treat it just an business opportunity that they'd like to work with us"
I hate that the idea of having external affirmation to prove that my art is worth it. That's why I focus so much on the community I really want to nurture and hangout with. I don't need anyone to put me on pedestal. If my art is worth more than just what I put in resume, then to me it's worth exploring.
And I am learning to focus on my own growth than relying on external validation.
I hope you are excited to this new journey of mine and thank you for reading!