The Art of Saying "What if.." instead of "Should have"
This is actually a result of a small quick experiment on how I started to do "Costume Play" again. At first, I felt that I "should have" wear more costume because I already commissioned people. I should have worn those wigs. etc. As result, I did not start at all because it ended up being a shame loop.
But then, last week I tried to change the way I talk to myself, in really small steps:
- "What if I just put the Vintage Dress on? No need to put a wig on yet"
- "Okay I like it, what if I tried to put a wig on that I commissioned someone years ago?"
- "Okay, that looks so so amazing, but what if I put the costumes that the character worn?"
Guess what? As a result I actually did show up doing it. When the friction feels so hard to just start, it's easier to get up and say to myself "What if I just do that?" It really focuses on the idea of what you can experiment and see what happened. Isn't the idea of experimenting to do something and see what happened? Isn't it what makes the experimentation fun?
The idea of "What ifs" allow me to ground myself and focus on what I can do, without any judgement to others, without any comparisons. It's like, if something can go wrong, the idea of if something can go right is also true. I'd like to emphasis on the latter.
Whereas, the word "should have' feel so cold and firm. Something that always leave with guilt. And I think I've always looked forward to find the exact synonym and words that fit to my liking, to my vibe. I've always wanted to use words that is full of kindness, not something that is cold.
I have the option and choice to choose the words that feel warmth and belonging. And I shall share it to the others too.
That's all for my more spontaneous bearblog, I'll see you on the next one!