On the Topic of Feeling Guilty for Taking it Slow, and not yet Having Immediate Results
When I was in school, I was taught to read faster in long paragraphs. You are given the tools to identify the main points, etc. I'd be honest it is quite useful given the systemic setting if you are trying to get assignments or papers done within limited time at work or school.
However I realized that actually taking your time to absorb those long paragraphs, actually had "different context". You actually explored what is the writer thinking, what was happening at that time?
While I'm not saying the tools equipped that I learn from school is wrong, but I've always felt guilty because I am reading slow and writing slow. However I think it's important that this only works in a systemic condition like at work where there is certain deadline to get things done. That's why schools existed, it basically works in the similar settings although not directly.
I'm not saying school system is bad, I'm just saying sometimes the system does not work with me. Personally in my experience, I'll never know until I actually try it for few years, and see if I still like it.
Another story I'd like to share is my experience studying Engineering at University. Everything feels fast-paced, and I cannot afford to fail in certain classes because University fees are high and I'm studying here thanks to my one-year scholarship.
Yet, if we read the history that people or scientists in 1600-1800s it feels like natural to actually experiment, fail multiple times, and then try to do it hopefully right again in this field. But this is only works in a given circumstances that allow them to do so. I was just a student trying to figure how the world works, yet I felt the overwhelming possible financial pressure to perform well otherwise I'd not get my degree and my job. It was truly different, and I feel it's unfair to compare my situation to people back then.
Years after graduation and finally securing another full-time office job, I am now having a bit of freedom of doing whatever I wanted outside my work hours- of course within my finances. I still feel the lingering guilt that if I do not get immediate results like at University, I'd think something bad would happen like a bad grade. I need constant reminder that I am now working though, there is no grades (except KPI lol).
This guilt started to emerge when I started going back to the Electronics basics and actually taking my time to absorb it since there are no pressure to finish the free lessons. I am 'slow' when it comes to learning electronics basics, and it actually what happened when I did read very thoroughly my actual textbook that explains it well. While I did not pass my test at all, the backlog knowledge actually helped me to understand when I reviewed the Basics of Electronics today. Had I not made decision almost a decade ago that the "indicator" I cared about is my understanding, not the grades itself, I would have not had many clicked moments today.
Then it got me thinking: why am I describing it as "slow"? What if it actually the exact time I needed to absorb fully of the lesson? From whose perspective that it is "slow"?
What I want to learn and share to you from this experience is that, life can exist outside school and work.
One of my mentor in Creature Design told me this "While you can apply what I taught you in this mentorship well, outside the mentorship feel free to not use it and make your own way to do it"
This is why I love the freedom I have in my spare time.
I hope you like very hodgepodge blogpost today! And wow two posts in a day!