My Experience of realizing that I am Ace-Aro, and the Grief that comes after that
My experience as an ace-aro is quite unique and it is my personal experience of discovering. It is not a clear-cut experience just to fit into the box of 'ace-aro', but here I am existing.
I won't go into much of personal details of course, but long story short I tried dating both man and a woman, as a result I just could not imagine myself actually pursuing the relationship further. Vaguely speaking, I realized that I just wanted to enjoy even the moment without changing anything. Like the furthest thing I imagine was a great roommate and that's it. And then I thought maybe I could try to pick up some 'dating advice'? Thinking maybe I could 'fix myself'? Maybe I haven't found the right person?
And then as time goes on, I realized the more 'technical sides' of dating and the future of the person you are dating with: are you on the same page of the political side, or your religion/beliefs, picking up each other parents' relationships. Those things kind of turned me off, that I'd rather to just be sustain myself and focus on friendship. And so I did that, and I feel more fulfilled to be having healthy friendship with people I know, having better relationship with my parents, being active in the local art community, and really I feel like I do work in a healthy ecosystem and I do not want to give up on those at all.
I wanted to add that it's as if I was the 'avoidant attachment' person but at the same time I hate that there is a huge social media narrative that there is the right way for having 'attachment style' when I think it is about 'if we are reading on the same page' than 'you are avoidant therefore you are bad'. Anyway back to the topic!
Sudden thought just struck me: This is not the 'heteronormative narrative' that was given by the society yet I am much happier living this way. Though, I would say I am quite privileged that my parents are progressive enough that they really wanted me to be able to sustain myself and they are very accepting that I am quite dedicated myself to be 'celibate' at this point. Honestly, I feel like my parents might already knew that I am ace-aro but they just didn't have the word for it. After all, celibacy is quite accepted in our family religious belief ( I am not that religious ) so that's great for me.
But unexpected thing happened to me: a grief. It wasn't a grief of that I'll never be in relationship, it's more of a grief as if I was missing the 'core human experience'. Like am I missing a core opportunity here? There is a myth that as if ace-aro person will not experience any 'love' but I do experience love in friendship. I care about my friends and what we are thriving in our own way. But I really hate the idea of as if friendship is less than a romantic relationship.
I'd also like to say just because I am being ace-aro it doesn't mean I cannot relate to relationship problems from my friends. In fact, I am quite emotional and quite empathetic too. Of course it is not my place to give advice for sure, but I can relate from deep level when they are venting about the obstacles, not necessarily about the partner as a person. Also, I listened to Honeyworks Romance song quite often and I just like to position myself as the protagonist's friend just listening to their love story! It's fun to imagine myself that way! I even play otome games too like JackJeanne and really I love to get to know to each Love Interest backstory and I'd get emotional as well. This is why I love a main character who has something to say, and has a name too (shoutout to Kisa Tachibana).
Anyway, this is quite more spontaneous blog post again and I hope you enjoy my queer experience here. I'll see you on the next one!