Lingering Past that is like a Ghost
I do not really 'believe' if ghosts and spirits were real, I think it's more like they're what humans tried to understand what they cannot find the vocabulary for. But I like to describe the core meaning of 'ghost' like a 'lingering feeling that I left behind'. Something that I cannot yet come terms with it. It does not go away like grief, you build life around it.
I'm still in my mid-20s when I am writing this, so I have done quite a lot of mistakes. It usually comes from how I didn't understand life works because I do not have enough experience. Think of it like, a young trainee just navigating a new workplace. You made a lot of mistakes, but through those mistakes you always have a choice to keep those in mind and do a better job next time. Cycle goes on.
You have a choice to move forward, and you trust that you'll make better decision. You don't have to say it outloud that you are a 'changed person'. You don't have to convince others either, if you believe that you are already making better decision, you don't have to convince anyone.
To become a person who choose better decision, doesn't mean you'd never make mistakes in the past. Doesn't mean your past define you either. The ghost that is being left behind will be always there, people would probably notice too by the word of mouth, by the people who experienced/saw it.
People would be always be, people. People are naturally scared of not knowing. That's why some narratives being told are spread through the word of mouth. It just had to look convincing enough, doesn't matter if there was a clarification or not.
To walk the life as if I wanted to prove someone's narrative wrong is exhausting. Yeah the lingering ghost is there, so what? it cannot directly attack anyone. It has to have a "physical body" to do so. I'm not denying it's there too. It will always exist.
What define "a good person" then?
Well, I don't personally like to categorize people in boxes. I just choose to live and hangout with whoever can go together with me on my own terms too. I'm not here to be the judge, I just live things the way I wanted to live.
As simple as, I wanted to prioritize my well-being than concerning with other people's personal life.
Though, I'm grateful that I have few close friends that I decided to keep. That means I do not concern and have to pry onto others. Judging and all that. I wanted to reserve my energy to just keep living I wanted.
This is me, writing as I am coming terms with my own past, my own mistake. Of course I do not want to overshare, but at least I write how I overcome it.
I hope you enjoy this more of a spontaneous bearblog post!